In our daily lives, most of us try to show good judgment as well as avoid judging others. However, at times we can become overly judgmental and too critical. There is a big difference between making judgments and being judgmental. Using our judgment to make ‘good’ (or bad) decisions is very different from being judgmental and finding fault, which generally has a negative connotation. Using our judgment can be a good thing when we are able to have clear decisions and avoid possibly dangerous situations. It can also help us to be creative and insightful about other people’s problems.
Being judgmental is an unconscious defense mechanism to protect our ego. It helps us feel superior and self-righteous, enables us to avoid our own faults, and protects us from being hurt by others. Ultimately, it is a self-esteem issue. We often feel threatened and react negatively to anyone who points out our failures and weaknesses. In order to end this cycle of being judgmental, we need to work on our self-esteem. The more accepting we are of ourselves, the more we can be accepting of the criticism and judgment of others.
There are several ways to start on the path toward self-acceptance. First, we need to start by taking care of our bodies and health. In the morning when we wake up, write some morning affirmations to guide the day and make a list of everything we appreciate about ourselves. Journaling our feelings can help us to find triggers that bring out that judgmental monster. It is important to try to remove toxic people, when possible, from our lives and surround ourselves with supportive ones. This is not always possible with family or in the workplace. When we do mess up and behave in an intolerant manner, we need to learn how to forgive ourselves and apologize to the people we have wronged. By committing to these practices every day, we will begin to see positive results.
When we do judge others, we often do so too quickly, based upon our beliefs and misconceptions. We jump to conclusions. Those who are mean, unfriendly, and untrustworthy, are usually acting or reacting from some kind of inner pain, fear, or sadness. If we try to look beneath their behavior and immediate appearance, we can often see that this person is going through some difficult struggles. This helps us to feel compassion and not feel so threatened by them. As a result, we should not judge them so harshly. Try to see the whole picture as there are always three sides to every story. We can’t know the whole story of another person, but when we feel that wall going up between us and another, we need to stop and ask ourselves if our judgment is 100% correct. By doing this, it will help to wear down our judgmental reflexes and open up our minds. Living in the present moment by focusing on our surroundings, it will redirect our thoughts, and cut the cycle of judgmental thoughts.
It is easy to start thinking that we are all horrible people for having this judgmental trait. But it is important to accept that we are not alone struggling with this issue. Just take a look at social media to see the judging and intolerance going on towards others purely because of things like political beliefs, alternative, or simply different lifestyles. Instead of viewing reality the way it is and accepting that others can think differently than us, we reject people whose opinions we find threatening or different and post nasty, judgmental responses. By working on ourselves so we stop and think before we judge, we will avoid reacting negatively to the things we simply do not agree with. By taking a level-headed approach to understanding that this one issue does not make them “bad” people, we can refrain from the negative commentary. And sometimes, just agreeing to disagree is the best answer.